Double Bacon Burger

Parenting moments like these break my heart into a million pieces.

In a moment of weakness (okay I had 4 miles to talk myself out of it and didn't) Ella, Sadie and I pulled into a Steak n Shake drive thru for lunch today. When hunger hits it hits hard. And Ella was "sooooo hungry"-whats a mom to do.

They are very polite at Steak n Shake and told me to order whenever I was ready. So we took our time reading the menu. Ella's booster is directly behind my seat and since she is a reader now I let her look over the menu. After a few minutes I slowly ordered my hamburger and looked at Ella next. I'll have a DOUBLE BACON BURGER she said! My heart. The epitome of a RT moment.

Now obviously a 5 year old should not eat 2 beef patties with bacon on top, but there was no way I could say no!! The way home we talked about how Daddy would be proud-and he was. She didn't finish it, but I'd say she ate most.

She is just a sweet girl who can read who wanted the double bacon burger!

Why Did I Think I was in the Clear?

The nausea set in yesterday. I didn't even believe in morning sickness when I was pregnant with Ella. My OB told me that it is common to feel well in your first pregnancy and then feel worse in subsequent pregnancies. Here I thought I was a super duper baby machine that just LOOVES pregnancy, but it turns out I am just common.

Oh well, its worth the nausea and extra pounds. When I feel sick food is the last thing I feel like, but eating always makes me feel better. And unfortunately its not salad or apples that helps...its toast and cereal. Healthy.

I have not thrown up yet. I have leaned over the toilet a few times thinking I might. I never vomited with Sadie's pregnancy either. I guess time will tell. I do remember feeling magically cured as soon as I entered my second trimester. In fact I didn't realize how badly I was feeling in the first until I got to the second and felt like myself again. 4 more weeks to go.

Sweaty Sunscreen Smell

There is nothing better than the smell of a little one after they have been lathered with sunscreen and then run around at the park. This is why we live in Florida. At 530 Ella, Sadie and I walked 10 minutes down the trail by our house, found some picnic tables at a park and had a dinner picnic. The weather was PERFECT. We ate and played. And it was joyful. Here is some proof:

OKAY, I'm tired!

I admit it is true. I got in a fight with my 5 year old. After working 7pm-7am and then getting 4.5 hours of sleep, I picked Ella up at school. She wanted her friend to come over. Great, I told her...as long as we clean up a little bit first. Her idea was a 10 minute power clean. (power clean-a fun event usually lasting 2-5 minutes in which you set a timer, blast music and clean as fast as you can until the timer beeps)

When the cleaning time started Ella played, peed (on the floor creating more to clean), pooped (in the toilet) and did a few other things that were not cleaning. Long story short, I ended up yelling, swearing and threatening to cancel her play date. I guess 5-year-olds need downtime after an 8 hour school day.

I hope fatigue contributed to my behavior.

A Sad Realization

This could be the last time that I am 7 weeks pregnant. Even when I am hating it, or not feeling it at all, I love being pregnant. I love the belly, the kicking, the maternity clothes and the special feeling. We don't know how many kids we are going to have but with my last 2 pregnancies we knew it would be at least one more. Lately we have said 3 or 4. This baby will be my 3rd therefore possibly the last. Guess I will have to enjoy it.

So far that has been pretty easy. I am still feeling pretty good with occasional waves of nausea. I'm not extremely tired yet and am past halfway through the first trimester. I swear that I do have a belly though. I know it's probably not the uterus yet, but my body is definitely getting ready. And I don't think it is from ice cream because I haven't actually gained weight. I'm going to have to start taking belly shots soon.

In Training

I went to the gym today-yay me! For some reason when I found out I was pregnant I did not work out for the next 14 days. I am by no means a gym rat, but 2 weeks is a long time for me. Throughout my last 2 pregnancies I convinced myself I was addicted to endorphins. There is a definite correlation between sweat and a decrease of mood swings. And as everyone knows, mood swings are common in pregnancy.

Not only am I scared of myself when not exercising, but I need to be in shape to go through labor. When pregnant with Sadie I did squats and lunges because I was determined to deliver her squatting. She was born in a bed, but I do believe that my cardiovascular condition helped to make labor and pushing easier.

Sadie is finally herself again today. She's eating, smiling, talking and crawling. After 5 days of being under the weather, I honestly had doubts that she would ever return to normal. She's got a carrot face, toothy grin looking up at me right now.

Ella is in the age of birthday parties. It seems like we have 1 every weekend. The WORST was Chuck E Cheese. Remind me never to have a party there. It is the definition of chaos. Ella had a blast though. Tomorrow is the poison, I mean candy, factory. I have no idea what they will do there, but I'm sure it will be laced with nuts. If she goes she will miss dance, so hopefully she will rather go to dance. She is taking a ballet/tap class at Orlando school of Dance which she loves (and she is a natural). We'll see-I sort of remember birthday parties as being in a class of their on from my childhood.

25 More Minutes Wasted

The health insurance company called back to say that my request for a birthing center was denied. I asked her to explain how it was legal considering this is a Florida Statute:

627.6406 Maternity care.--
(1) Any policy of health insurance that provides coverage for maternity care must also cover the services of certified nurse-midwives and midwives licensed pursuant to chapter 467, and the services of birth centers licensed under ss. 383.30-383.335.

He explanation was that it is not in my policy. We talked in circles for 25 minutes when I asked what she would do if she were me. She suggested an appeal. Appeals take months!!! Grrr!!! Back to the drawing board.

My Baby Has a Heartbeat

I saw it with my own 2 eyes! The heartrate is 112, which apparently is normal. It's funny how you can look at a black and white blob on a monitor and think it is cute. And I feel like it is a girl. However, that is not some motherly instict hunch-it is just because whenever I am pregnant it is a girl. We'll see in about 14 weeks from now. OB estimates me to be ~6 weeks (what I thought). We're supposed to do another ultrasound in 3 weeks from now to get a more accurate due date and follow up.

I can't help but think what would be different if I had just waited until I was 10 weeks to have my first prenatal visit. Many OB's (any my birth center) won't even see you until then. Know what would be different? Nothing. I would still be 6 weeks pregnant with a cute little heartbeat inside of me. I would have cried less, worries less and smiled more. Oh well, I wanted the ultrasounds. It's very hard to say no to all of the technology available to us.

Sadie's still sickies. Her fever broke, but she was up all night and now has it coming out both ends. I feel her pain looking in her little droopy eyes. And Mike does too, I can tell. It's sweet.

I actually got a nice person on the phone from the health insurance company. I resubmitted my request to use a birth center since there are none in my network. Yeah, I thought I couldn't submit another request. Well, Christy, who had just gone back to work 8 weeks after the birth of her Isiah let me! Thank you Christy. This time I was smart and had her include FL Statute 627.6406 in my request.

"627.6406 Maternity care.--
(1) Any policy of health insurance that provides coverage for maternity care must also cover the services of certified nurse-midwives and midwives licensed pursuant to chapter 467, and the services of birth centers licensed under ss. 383.30-383.335. "

What do I have to do to avoid a hospital?!?

I am on hold with my health insurance company. I bet I have spent over 4 hours holding/talking to them over the past 2 weeks. I have zero bith centers in my network and want to use a birth center for my prenatal care and childbirth. After a few weeks they called back to report that my request was denied because a hospital in my network offers the same services. I responded "no, they offer very different services" and may have hung up on Mary.

Now when I call to inquire, they say that my request is cancelled, not denied so I cannot appeal it. WTF?

I am looking for some literature that explains why I want to use a birth center.

Ultrasound Today

I wish this blog had emoticons. According to my calculations I am 5 weeks, 6 days pregnant. That means we will most likely see a heartbeat! I will be overwhelmed with joy and excitement even if we only see a fetal pole. However, the thought of laying in stirrups with the same doctor who told me of my "empty uterus" less than 2 weeks ago makes me a little nervous. I am also relieved and comforted because Mike will be there with me to see whatever there is to see.

In other news, Sadie has her first pukeys. Poor baby. I never thought I would be sad to see her NOT protest a diaper change. Her temperature is 100.1 and she just LOOKS sick.

We have both been through 2 outfits already. She is such a good sport though. Hopefully she'll wake up from her nap cured.

In typical Ella fashion she is so excited to be back at school after a week vacation. It would be nice if Mike and I could figure out how she became so smart and why she loves to learn so much. We must be doing something right, right?? I feel so badly that I won't be able to pick her up after school, but she would rather go to her friends. Sometimes she makes life so easy.

Getting Ahead of Myself

My mind gets racing. How will we walk Ella to school? Should I get a baby bjorn or finally learn how to use my sling on the third try? Where will everybody sleep? Will Sadie be ready for a toddler bed when the baby gets here? I have a confession. Sadie sleeps in a playpen. We moved across the country when she was a few months and just haven't gotten one! Ghetto? yes. Negligent? borderline.

Obviously I need this:

It's only about $500.

And look at this website I came across for kids bedding.

For Ella: http://www.babysupermall.com/main/products/kli/kli4101full_pop1_kli4101full.html

A little more affordable.

5500

My latest HCG level. 1 week prior it was 440. That's good...it means I am pregnant! Until now I was afraid to acknowledge my pregnancy.

Here is why. March 2nd I took an HPT and got a very faint line. I took 4 more and each got a little bit darker.

March 7th I went straight from working a 12 hour night shift to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy. A trans vaginal ultrasound showed "an empty uterus". That meant that either I was VERY early in pregnancy or that I was going to miscarry. My doctor seemed to be focusing on the latter and told me not to travel to Chicago the for the weekend as planned. His exact comforting words, "Early and late pregnancy are when things happen." Thanks doc, I am going to go sit home and wait for my miscarriage that I have no symptoms or risk factors for. Lots of tears.

This is why I want to go to a birth center and not an OB. I'm still fighting with insurance on that one. They claim that the hospital in my network offers the same services. Uh, the hospital with an 80% induction rate and c-section rate not far behind?!? No thanks. Can someone tell all the OBs of the world that induction is contraindicated with macrosomia.

How am I feeling? Great. I worry sometimes about my lack of pregnancy symptoms. I have a bad taste in my mouth, occasional lightheadedness and mood swings. Yesterday at the gym I actually had to leave the treadmill because I started crying. I was thinking about how excited I am to be pregant and have another baby. Then my mind drifted to how I was JUST RECENTLY starting to feel like my own person after Sadie's birth. I was going to start rowing, or play in a basketball league, or run a 10K. Now I am inevitably going to get bigger and slower and in worse shape. Then I had to pee, so I cried in the stall for a few minutes. Frequent urination-another symptom.

I got home to my happy family, took a nap in the sun and awoke with a whole new extremely positive outlook.